What It Means If I Was Drunk and Said These Things to My Girlfriend and Can’t Remember Them Afterwards

By Bobby Darvish, Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Former Vegan, Former Democrat, Former Socialist, Former CAIR-Columbus Executive Director, Former Muslim Forum of Utah President, Former Pagan, Christian Conservative LDS Priest 

Alcohol has long been associated with uninhibited behavior, emotional outbursts, and memory loss. It can make people say things they don't normally express, exaggerating underlying emotions—especially in relationships. In my case, I was drunk and allegedly said hurtful things to my girlfriend, which I do not remember. The words I used pointed to exaggerated jealousy, insecurity, and control, but at the core, these emotions stemmed from deep love and fear of losing her. This article will explore what it means when alcohol fuels such extreme reactions, why memory loss occurs, and how love—when mixed with intoxication—can manifest in unintended ways.

Alcohol’s Impact on Emotion and Behavior

Alcohol significantly alters emotional regulation and cognitive function, amplifying feelings that may already exist subconsciously. Studies show that alcohol:

1. Lowers inhibitions – It makes people more likely to act impulsively and say things they wouldn't say sober (Sayette, 2012).
2. Increases emotional intensity – Feelings of love, jealousy, anger, and insecurity become exaggerated, making small issues feel monumental (Fairbairn & Sayette, 2014).
3. Impairs rational thinking – Drunken individuals may react to imagined threats or assumptions rather than reality, leading to accusations and conflict (Steele & Southwick, 1985).
4. Disrupts memory encoding – Alcohol, particularly in large amounts, can cause blackouts where the brain fails to store memories properly (White, 2003).

In other words, the things I said while drunk may have been driven by my deepest emotions—my love for my girlfriend and my fear of losing her—but they were distorted and intensified in a way I would never have expressed sober.

Breaking Down the Words I Said: What Do They Mean?

Analyzing my statements reveals key emotional themes that were amplified by intoxication but rooted in love and attachment:

1. Jealousy & Fear of Losing Her

   • Accusing her of flirting with the bartender and another man suggests deep insecurity, likely triggered by alcohol-induced paranoia.
   • Alcohol can increase irrational suspicion and make people see threats where none exist (George et al., 2019).

2. Need for Reassurance & Emotional Control

   • Making her "beg louder" for me to take her home points to a desperate need for validation and control, which can be exaggerated under the influence.
   • I would never demand such behavior sober, but alcohol removed my filter and made my need for love come out in an unhealthy way.

3. Anger Fueled by Insecurity

   • Saying, “How many times have you given yourself to other guys before me?” isn’t something I would ask sober, but drunkenness exaggerated my underlying fear of not being “good enough.”
   • Studies show that past relationship anxiety can become more prominent under the influence of alcohol (Kachadourian et al., 2014).

4. Possessiveness & Desire for Exclusivity

   • Criticizing her clothing, saying she “put all her boobs out for the guys here,” shows an overprotective and possessive mindset that I normally control.
   • Alcohol enhances territorial instincts, leading to overly defensive or aggressive behavior in relationships (Giancola, 2000).

5. Deep Emotional Pain & Regret

   • My girlfriend’s response shows she was deeply hurt by my words, and I, in turn, felt pain and regret—evidenced by statements like:
     • “You don’t know how much my heart is broken.”
     • “I was in love with you, now I hate hearing your voice.”
     • “I never forgive you for that night.”
   • This highlights the damage alcohol-fueled emotions can do to a relationship, even when the words spoken weren’t truly meant.

Why I Don’t Remember What I Said

My memory loss from that night is likely due to alcohol-induced blackout, a phenomenon where the brain fails to store new memories. There are two main types of blackouts:

1. Fragmentary Blackout (Brownout) – Some details may be remembered later with reminders.
2. Complete Blackout – The brain does not record events at all (White, 2003).

Because I only remember the beginning and the end of the night, it suggests I had a partial blackout caused by excessive alcohol consumption. This means my actions were not premeditated or intentional, but rather a result of impaired brain function.

What This Says About Love, Jealousy, and Alcohol

Ultimately, the root cause of my outburst wasn’t a lack of love—it was too much love, intensified by alcohol. My fear of losing her, my deep attachment, and my insecurities were all magnified and twisted into irrational accusations and controlling behavior.

Alcohol doesn’t create emotions out of nowhere, but it does:

• Exaggerate feelings of attachment and dependence.
• Turn small fears into overwhelming paranoia.
• Remove rationality and restraint, leading to regretful words and actions.

In a sober state, I never want to control my girlfriend, make her feel small, or accuse her unfairly. But in an intoxicated state, my emotional brain overpowered my rational brain, leading to words that were not an accurate reflection of my true intentions.

How to Repair the Damage & Move Forward

Recognizing what happened and why is the first step. Here’s how I plan to prevent this from happening again:

1. Sincerely Apologize – I must acknowledge her pain, take full responsibility for my words, and express that my love is real, but my actions that night were not a reflection of it.
2. Limit Alcohol Consumption – If drinking makes my emotions uncontrollable, I should avoid heavy drinking in emotional situations.
3. Address Jealousy & Insecurity – Alcohol didn’t create these feelings, it just amplified them. I need to confront and resolve these insecurities in a healthy way.
4. Prove Through Actions, Not Just Words – Love is not just about feelings—it’s about how we treat the person we care about. Moving forward, I must show my girlfriend she is safe, loved, and valued.

Conclusion

My drunken words were an exaggerated manifestation of my love and fear of loss, not a reflection of my true self. Alcohol took my deepest emotions and twisted them into irrational accusations and controlling statements. While I cannot undo the past, I can learn from it, take responsibility, and make sure my love is expressed in a way that is healthy, supportive, and free from alcohol-induced distortion.

Citations

• Fairbairn, C. E., & Sayette, M. A. (2014). Alcohol and emotional contagion: The effect of drinking on social bonding. Psychological Science, 25(12), 2447-2459.
• Giancola, P. R. (2000). Executive functioning: A conceptual framework for alcohol-related aggression. Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 8(4), 576-597.
• Sayette, M. A. (2012). The effects of alcohol on emotion in social drinkers. Behavioral Research in Alcohol Use, 6(2), 121-139.
• White, A. M. (2003). What happened? Alcohol, memory blackouts, and the brain. Alcohol Research & Health, 27(2), 186-196.