Friday, December 13, 2024

Finding Myself in the Time I Have Left: A Journey of Redemption and Personal Growth

By Bobby Darvish, Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Former Vegan, Former Socialist, Former CAIR-Columbus Executive Director, Former Muslim Forum of Utah President, Former Pagan, Christian Conservative LDS Priest

Throughout my life, I’ve dedicated myself to causes greater than myself. Whether it was helping my fellow Muslims during my time at CAIR-Columbus, advocating for my community in Utah, or even embracing various political and philosophical ideologies like socialism and veganism, I’ve always felt a deep sense of duty toward helping others. Yet, as I look back on the years I’ve spent pouring my heart into these causes, I realize one thing has been glaringly absent: the effort to help myself.

As someone with a royal lineage from the Safavid Dynasty, with roots tracing back to the Cilician Crusaders, I was born into a rich historical tradition, but it was one that I never fully understood until much later in life. My upbringing, initially immersed in Islam, led me down a path that eventually freed me from the constraints of a religion that I now view as fundamentally opposed to personal growth and freedom. I’ve transitioned from being a devout Muslim, to an ex-Muslim, to an individual who identifies as a proud Christian conservative, a member of the LDS Church, and a Freemason—each shift in my identity representing my search for truth, self-understanding, and a greater purpose.

In this search for purpose, I also found myself deeply entwined in the politics of my time. I was once a socialist, driven by idealism and a desire to reshape society for the better. Later, I found myself in the world of veganism, a movement I believed could solve the moral and environmental crises we face. However, both of these ideologies, while rooted in noble intentions, only further led me down paths of self-sacrifice where I was consumed by causes, at the expense of my own well-being. These causes were important, but they were not the whole picture.

Looking back, I can’t help but feel that I spent so much energy trying to heal the world that I neglected to heal myself. In my roles as the Executive Director of CAIR-Columbus and as President of the Muslim Forum of Utah, I advocated for causes that demanded immense energy. But in doing so, I failed to pause, reflect, and focus on my own personal growth. I abandoned many of my personal needs in the name of helping others, and now, as I sit in the stillness of my thoughts, I realize that this was a grave mistake.

There is a profound truth I’ve learned: you can’t truly help others unless you first help yourself. This is not about selfishness—it’s about having the strength and resilience to serve others from a place of inner peace, balance, and health. To pour from an empty cup is to deprive both yourself and those you seek to help.

As an Iranian-American, born into a rich history of both cultural pride and intellectual tradition, I now understand that my ancestry has given me a responsibility not just to the past, but also to the future. My lineage connects me to both the intellectual and warrior traditions of the ancient world. But this understanding can only be honored if I take the time to reconnect with myself—my spirit, my health, my mental well-being, and my spiritual relationship with God.

In embracing my Christian conservative faith and the principles of the LDS Church, I’ve come to understand that self-care is a form of stewardship over the life God has granted me. No matter how much I give to others, I must also recognize that my ability to serve is limited by my own strength, health, and mental clarity. This realization has been transformative, and it has inspired me to make the most of the time I have left on Earth—not by sacrificing myself for others, but by taking deliberate steps to help myself, so that I can continue helping others in a meaningful and sustainable way.

For years, I let guilt and the pressure of obligations dictate my actions. But now, I choose to take ownership of my life. I choose to prioritize my mental health, my spiritual growth, and my physical well-being. I choose to live in alignment with the values I hold dear—not because it is easy, but because it is essential for my long-term success and fulfillment.

The time I have left on this Earth is precious, and I am committed to using it wisely—not in endless service to others at my own expense, but in service to a higher purpose that includes nurturing myself, body, mind, and spirit. Only by helping myself can I truly serve others in the most profound and lasting way.

Citations

  • LDS.org. (n.d.). Personal Health and Well-being: A Spiritual Duty. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  • Wright, D. (2022). The Path to Self-Care: Rediscovering the Balance Between Service and Self-Care. Journal of Christian Ethics, 45(2), 201-215.
  • Darvish, B. (2021). Reflections on My Journey: A Personal Transformation. Journal of Iranian-American Identity, 15(4), 34-45.

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