Reforming Family Law in America: Protecting Men and Children from Exploitation

By Bobby Darvish
Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Former Vegan, Former Democrat, Former Socialist, Former CAIR-Columbus Executive Director, Former Muslim Forum of Utah President, Christian Conservative LDS, Freemason, and Bachelor of Science in Information Technology with Cybersecurity Specialty

As a proud Iranian-American and a man who has walked many ideological paths—from socialism and veganism to the timeless truths of Christian conservatism—I write today to address an issue that affects countless men and children across America: the unfair family laws that enable the exploitation of men and the destabilization of the family unit. Our legal system, as it stands, unjustly punishes men while enabling the irresponsible actions of women who abuse these laws, to the detriment of children, fathers, and society.

The Broken System of Marriage and Divorce Laws

Modern family law in the United States is rooted in outdated assumptions about gender roles and economic dependency. Alimony, child support, and custody arrangements often assume that women are victims and men are providers, regardless of the actual circumstances. This imbalance has created an incentive structure where women can:

1. Marry a man, have children, and then leave the marriage while receiving financial support from their ex-husband.
2. Introduce multiple unrelated men into the lives of their children without accountability.
3. Rely on the government or court-ordered financial aid from their ex-spouse rather than fostering stable co-parenting relationships.

Such policies effectively "marry" women to the government instead of fostering accountability within families. Men, meanwhile, are disproportionately burdened with financial and emotional penalties, including alimony and child support, even when they are not at fault for the breakdown of the marriage.

The Impact on Men and Children

As a former leader in CAIR and the Muslim Forum of Utah, I witnessed firsthand how poorly structured family laws devastated men who sought guidance during difficult divorces. Many of these men found themselves forced to pay exorbitant alimony and child support while being alienated from their children. Worse still, their children were exposed to a revolving door of strangers in the home, undermining their sense of stability and security.

In my transition from Islam to Christianity, I came to deeply value the biblical principle of family as a sacred union. The Lord commands, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). How can a father fulfill this divine mandate when he is legally marginalized from his child's life, reduced to a financial resource rather than a parental figure?

Children suffer immensely in this arrangement. Studies show that children raised without the consistent presence of their biological father are more likely to face academic challenges, emotional instability, and behavioral issues. The influence of unrelated men—boyfriends or stepfathers—introduces additional risks, including higher rates of abuse.

The Way Forward: Reforms for True Justice

To restore fairness and prioritize the well-being of children, we must reform family laws in the following ways:

1. Eliminate Permanent Alimony
   Alimony should be transitional, designed to help dependent spouses achieve self-sufficiency, not a lifelong entitlement. Long-term financial obligations incentivize divorce and burden men unfairly.

2. Shared Parenting as the Default Custody Arrangement
   Courts should adopt a 50/50 shared parenting model as the baseline for custody arrangements. Both parents must have an equal opportunity to be involved in their child's life unless proven unfit.

3. Tie Child Support to Accountability
   Child support payments should be closely monitored to ensure they benefit the child, not fund the lifestyle choices of one parent. Noncustodial parents must be given oversight on how funds are spent.

4. Discourage Serial Relationships Post-Divorce
   Laws should limit the number of unrelated individuals entering a child’s life, particularly during formative years. Stability is critical for healthy development.

5. End the “Marriage to the Government” System
   The government should not function as a surrogate husband through alimony and other entitlements. A move away from government dependency would encourage family stability and personal responsibility.

6. Punish Proven Parental Alienation
   When one parent manipulates a child to alienate the other parent, courts must hold them accountable. Alienation harms children and undermines healthy co-parenting relationships.

Conclusion

Family is the bedrock of civilization, but our current system of laws undermines this foundation by punishing men for the failings of irresponsible women and enabling the government to interfere in families. As a Christian conservative and a man who has seen the devastating effects of these laws, I urge my fellow Americans to advocate for reforms that protect fathers, children, and the sanctity of the family.

The time has come to hold both men and women accountable in marriage and parenting, to ensure that children are raised in stable, loving homes. Only then can we rebuild a culture that honors God, values family, and uplifts every member of society.

---

Citations

1. Baskerville, S. (2007). Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family. Cumberland House.
2. Pew Research Center. (2021). “The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families.” www.pewresearch.org
3. National Parents Organization. (2020). "Shared Parenting Report Card." www.sharedparenting.org
4. Fagan, P. F., & Churchill, A. (2012). "The Effects of Divorce on Children." Marriage and Religion Research Institute. www.marri.us
5. American Psychological Association. (2017). “Father Involvement and Child Outcomes.” www.apa.org