Darvish Intelligence: A Narcissistic, Borderline Mother: The Making of a Sacrifice

Thursday, March 6, 2025

A Narcissistic, Borderline Mother: The Making of a Sacrifice

By Bobby Darvish, Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Former Vegan, Former Democrat, Former Socialist, Former CAIR-Columbus Executive Director, Former Muslim Forum of Utah President, Christian Conservative LDS Priest

In the sacred duty of motherhood, a woman is called to nurture, guide, and protect her child. She is to exemplify Christlike love, patience, and sacrifice. However, when a mother suffers from narcissistic personality traits combined with borderline tendencies, her son does not receive love—he becomes an offering at the altar of her dysfunction. He is not raised as a man, but as an extension of her chaos, a reflection of her need for control, validation, and emotional dominance.

The False Devotion of a Narcissistic Mother

A mother with these tendencies does not love in the way Scripture commands. Instead of selflessness, she operates on conditional affection—love is a transaction, earned through submission and absolute obedience. Her son is not encouraged to grow into his own identity, but rather to be a mirror of her own brokenness. His thoughts, emotions, and even his faith must align with hers, or he is cast out as rebellious and ungrateful.

The Apostle Paul warns against such individuals in 2 Timothy 3:2-5, describing those who are "lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy..." Paul concludes, "Have nothing to do with such people" (Holy Bible, New International Version, 2 Timothy 3:2-5). When a mother embodies these traits, she does not create a home of faith and love but a prison of manipulation and guilt.

The Emotional Bondage of Her Son

A narcissistic mother’s control is not merely verbal but emotional and spiritual. Her son learns early on that his needs are secondary, even sinful. If he dares to express independence, he is met with emotional blackmail—silent treatment, rage, or the ever-present accusation of being ungrateful. The Book of Proverbs warns of such women: "A foolish woman tears down her house with her own hands" (Holy Bible, New King James Version, Proverbs 14:1). She does not build her son up; she tears him down and calls it discipline.

The son of such a woman often suffers from crippling self-doubt. He becomes either overly submissive, seeking approval in all things, or he rejects her control entirely and walks away, though not without scars.

Clipped Wings: The Suppression of Masculinity

A healthy mother encourages her son to become a strong and righteous man, capable of leading a family and standing firm in his faith. However, a narcissistic, borderline mother cannot allow this. His strength threatens her dominance. She instills in him fear—of failure, of rejection, and of his own power. In doing so, she ensures that he remains dependent, shackled by a sense of inadequacy.

Isaiah 3:12 warns of the disorder that comes when leadership is usurped: "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, those who lead you cause you to err, and destroy the way of your paths." (Holy Bible, King James Version, Isaiah 3:12). A mother who refuses to allow her son to develop independence ensures that he never fully becomes the man God intended him to be.

The Path to Freedom: Breaking the Chains

For the son of such a mother, liberation comes at a cost. To break free is to endure her wrath, her slander, and her false martyrdom. It is to be labeled as heartless, ungrateful, and even sinful. Yet Christ Himself declared, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple" (Holy Bible, New International Version, Luke 14:26). This is not a call to literal hatred but an acknowledgment that allegiance to Christ requires breaking from ungodly bondage, even when it comes from one’s own family.

Conclusion: Choosing Life Over Bondage

A mother who exhibits narcissistic and borderline traits does not raise a son—she raises a sacrifice. He must either remain in her control and lose himself entirely or fight for his freedom and risk her wrath. Yet Scripture reminds us: "You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings" (Holy Bible, English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:23).

For those who have endured such a mother, healing comes through Christ. A new identity, free from guilt and manipulation, is found in Him. It is through Him that the broken can be made whole, and the son once raised as a sacrifice can rise as a man of God.