By Bobby Darvish, Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Former Vegan, Former Democrat, Former Socialist, Former CAIR-Columbus Executive Director, Former Muslim Forum of Utah President, Former Pagan, Christian Conservative LDS Priest
In today’s digital world, relationships are often publicly acknowledged through social media, shared experiences, and mutual introductions to family and friends. However, if you find yourself dating someone who avoids introducing you to their loved ones, refuses to change their relationship status on Facebook, or resists publicly acknowledging your relationship, you may be dealing with a manipulative narcissist.Red Flags: Secrecy and Avoidance
A partner who deliberately keeps you hidden from their inner circle is often engaging in manipulative behavior that suggests they have no real emotional investment in the relationship. Instead, they may see you as a temporary source of emotional validation, financial gain, or entertainment (Campbell & Foster, 2007). Studies on narcissistic behavior show that individuals with narcissistic personality traits prioritize self-interest over genuine emotional connection (Miller et al., 2010).
One of the most alarming aspects of dating a narcissist is their tendency to compartmentalize relationships—they may shower you with affection in private but avoid public acknowledgment. This allows them to maintain control over multiple sources of attention and validation (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).
The Reality: A Narcissist Does Not Value Real Commitment
Narcissists do not perceive relationships in the same way that healthy, emotionally mature individuals do. Instead of viewing relationships as a partnership built on mutual support, they see them as a transactional experience—one where they can extract emotional, financial, or physical benefits while avoiding any true emotional responsibility (Kernberg, 1975).
A genuine relationship is not just about enjoying the good times; it is about standing by each other during the hardships, struggles, and challenges of life (Baumeister & Vohs, 2004). However, narcissistic individuals lack the emotional depth and empathy to engage in this kind of real partnership. When adversity arises, they are more likely to discard their partner and seek a new source of validation (Ronningstam, 2016).
Conclusion: Recognizing and Escaping the Trap
If your partner consistently refuses to introduce you to their family and friends, avoids acknowledging your relationship in public, or seems hesitant to commit, these are strong indications that they do not see a future with you. Instead, they are using you for their own benefit—whether it be for attention, money, or pleasure.
Recognizing these behaviors early can help you avoid wasting time in a one-sided relationship. Real love is not about hiding, secrecy, or conditional affection—it is about openness, mutual respect, and commitment through both the highs and lows of life.
References
- Baumeister, R. F., & Vohs, K. D. (2004). "Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications." Guilford Press.
- Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2007). "The Narcissistic Self: Background, an Extended Agency Model, and Ongoing Controversies." In W. K. Campbell & J. D. Miller (Eds.), The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Wiley-Blackwell.
- Kernberg, O. (1975). Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism. Jason Aronson.
- Miller, J. D., Hoffman, B. J., Gaughan, E. T., Gentile, B., Maples, J., & Campbell, W. K. (2010). "Narcissism and the Five-Factor Model: Narcissistic Grandiosity and Vulnerability." Personality and Individual Differences, 50(3), 301-305.
- Ronningstam, E. (2016). Identifying and Understanding the Narcissistic Personality. Oxford University Press.
- Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
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