The Patriarchy is Good, Needed, and the Natural Order of Things
By Bobby Darvish, Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Former Vegan, Former Democrat, Former Socialist, Former CAIR-Columbus Executive Director, Former Muslim Forum of Utah President, Christian Conservative LDS, Freemason, Windows Sons MRA Member, BS in Information Technology with Cybersecurity Specialty
For much of my life, I held views shaped by the ideology of progressivism, socialism, and, later, my experiences as an executive director at CAIR-Columbus. I subscribed to the belief that the structures of power in society, particularly those centered around gender roles, were oppressive and needed to be dismantled. I advocated for equal rights, equality for women, and sought to address the injustices perpetuated by the so-called patriarchy. However, through my personal journey — from embracing veganism to socialism, leaving Islam, finding my Christian faith, and eventually coming to understand the essential role of traditional structures — I have come to realize that the patriarchy is not the oppressive force I once believed it to be. In fact, it is something that is good, needed, and natural.
A Shift in Perspective: Understanding the Patriarchy
As an ex-Muslim, I grew up in a culture that was steeped in patriarchal traditions, albeit with the veneer of religious justification. Within the confines of my Muslim upbringing, I was taught that the roles of men and women were divinely ordained. Yet, despite this, I rebelled against the societal norms around me. My experiences as a former socialist and later as a progressive Democrat led me to challenge and ultimately reject these traditional views, believing instead that society’s problems stemmed from these very gendered expectations.
However, after years of studying history, philosophy, and theology — alongside reflecting on my own experiences — I came to a stark realization. The patriarchal system, contrary to being an inherent evil, is indeed a fundamental aspect of society’s stability, order, and progression.
The Natural Order and Biological Realities
The patriarchal system is not some arbitrary construct, but rather it aligns with the natural order of things. Men and women are biologically and psychologically different, and these differences influence the roles that they take within society. Men, in general, are physically stronger and more predisposed to leadership and protection roles, while women are naturally inclined toward nurturing and caregiving. These are not mere stereotypes; they are rooted in evolutionary biology.
The patriarchy, when viewed from this lens, emerges as a natural structure that ensures society’s survival. Men are often tasked with providing and protecting, while women are more focused on raising the next generation. These roles complement each other, ensuring the well-being and flourishing of families, communities, and nations.
A Biblical Perspective: The Importance of the Patriarchy
As I transitioned into a Christian conservative worldview, I came to appreciate the Biblical principles that support a balanced and righteous patriarchy. Christianity offers a framework where men are expected to be leaders in their families, churches, and societies, but always with an emphasis on love, sacrifice, and service. The Bible calls for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, a model of selflessness and sacrifice that runs counter to any form of oppressive patriarchy. This Christian understanding helped me reconcile my newfound appreciation for traditional gender roles with my personal commitment to equality and justice.
The Book of Genesis presents the first family, with Adam as the head of the household and Eve as his helper. This structure was not one of domination, but one of mutual respect and shared purpose. The man was given the responsibility to lead and protect, while the woman was entrusted with the sacred role of motherhood and support. Far from being a relic of an outdated system, this divine order reflects the harmony needed in human relationships.
Patriarchy and the Preservation of Society
Through my work as the president of the Muslim Forum of Utah and my experience as a leader within CAIR, I encountered many of the modern challenges to the patriarchal system. The idea that men and women should be “equal” in every sense has been promoted for decades, but this has often led to confusion about gender roles and a breakdown in family structure. Today’s society, with its focus on gender fluidity, individualism, and rejection of traditional norms, faces increasing instability.
The family, the building block of any society, thrives when it adheres to the natural roles and responsibilities of men and women. A father who leads with strength, wisdom, and responsibility, and a mother who nurtures and supports, creates a stable environment for children to grow up in. In contrast, when these roles are undermined, we see the consequences — rising rates of divorce, fatherlessness, and societal fragmentation. These breakdowns directly impact the welfare of children and the strength of the community.
In my own life, I have seen how the shift away from these traditional structures has weakened the fabric of both Western and Islamic societies. As an Iranian-American who has witnessed the fall of my ancestral homelands to ideologies that attack the family structure, I can see the destructive consequences of rejecting the natural order.
The Rejection of Feminism and the Embrace of Traditional Masculinity
As I moved from my past life as a vegan and socialist to embracing my role as a Christian conservative and LDS member, I began to understand the value of masculinity. The traditional concept of masculinity — that men are protectors, providers, and leaders — has been increasingly under attack by feminist movements that seek to dismantle these roles. However, these attacks have only led to confusion, frustration, and dissatisfaction among both men and women.
In my journey, I’ve come to see that masculinity is not a force of oppression, but one of protection and provision. The patriarchal system is about men rising to the challenges of leadership while also embracing the responsibilities that come with power. When men are encouraged to live out their true roles as leaders in their families, churches, and communities, they bring stability, wisdom, and strength to society.
Conclusion: Embracing the Patriarchy for a Stronger Future
After years of searching for truth and experiencing the failures of progressive ideologies, I now believe that the patriarchy — understood correctly — is a force for good. It aligns with both nature and Scripture, and it is necessary for the preservation of strong families and societies. Rather than seeking to tear it down, we should seek to restore and celebrate it. It is through the patriarchy that we find the stability, responsibility, and strength needed to build a better future.
In my own life, as a father, Christian, and former leader in Muslim and progressive communities, I have seen how embracing traditional gender roles leads to fulfillment, purpose, and a deeper sense of meaning. The patriarchy, in its true form, is not about domination or oppression, but about protecting and providing for the next generation.
I call on my fellow men to rise to the challenge of leadership, and I encourage women to embrace the essential roles they play in society. Together, we can build a future where families thrive and communities are strong, rooted in the natural order that God and nature intended.
Citations:
- “The Bible and Gender Roles.” The Biblical Patriarchy, Theological Studies Journal, 2020.
- “Evolutionary Psychology and Gender Differences.” Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, 2018.
- “The Family and Social Stability.” Family Studies Journal, 2019.
- R. Shapiro, “Patriarchy and Family Stability,” Journal of Social Order, 2021.
- “Masculinity and Leadership,” Leadership Quarterly, 2017.
