Islam Succeeds in Winning Over Western Women?!

Islam Succeeds in Winning Over Western Women?!

By Bobby Darvish, Iranian-American Ex-Muslim, Christian Conservative, LDS

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I’ve often wondered how Islam, a religion so fundamentally foreign to Western ideals of personal freedom, manages to win over certain Western women. This question is particularly personal to me as I reflect on the life choices of my ex-girlfriend. Raised in a Western, freedom-loving society, she was once independent, strong-willed, and unafraid of breaking conventions. Yet, over time, she made the decision to convert to Islam after marrying a Jordanian boxer. Now, she wears a hijab, does not drive, and has given her son an Islamic name.

As an Iranian-American ex-Muslim, my perspective on this topic is unique. My family’s roots trace back to the Alans, a proud, resilient Iranian people who were influenced by the cultures they encountered. I am deeply familiar with the challenges that Islam can bring, particularly for women. Islam, with its all-encompassing rules and influence, can sometimes act as a “total system” that reshapes individual identity and social roles. Let me share some insights into why Western women are increasingly drawn to Islam, how it transforms them, and why I, as a Christian conservative, see this trend as concerning.

The Appeal of Islam’s Clear Structure

One reason Western women may be attracted to Islam is its clear, defined structure for daily life and relationships. In a world of competing ideas and values, Islam provides simplicity through strict gender roles, expectations for dress, and prescriptive lifestyle rules. For some women, these guidelines may seem to offer stability, an antidote to the sometimes chaotic nature of modern Western society. But this structure can come with a cost to personal freedoms, as my ex-girlfriend’s new lifestyle illustrates.

Having previously enjoyed the independence of driving, she now abstains because of her husband's cultural values. She also adopted the hijab as a visible symbol of her faith, changing how she interacts with the world. Rather than embodying her own identity, she now wears a marker of her husband's culture and beliefs.

The Romanticization of “Exotic” Cultures

Western women who fall in love with Muslim men, particularly from Middle Eastern or North African backgrounds, sometimes romanticize these “exotic” cultures. Islam’s emphasis on family and the seemingly protective nature of Muslim men can be appealing. My ex-girlfriend, for instance, initially admired her husband’s strong family values and sense of responsibility—qualities that many Western cultures increasingly regard as “traditional.”

However, this admiration can often obscure the more restrictive aspects of Islamic culture. In Muslim-majority societies, gender expectations are vastly different, often limiting a woman’s autonomy. This is something I witnessed firsthand as a young Iranian. While men might offer protection, it often comes hand-in-hand with paternalistic control. Freedom becomes defined not by choice but by adherence to a set of rules, which, in my ex-girlfriend's case, now include wearing a hijab and adopting restrictive practices.

Cultural Conversion and Identity Loss

Converting to Islam often goes beyond religious belief. It is a cultural conversion as well. When a Western woman adopts Islamic dress, abstains from driving, or adopts other customs foreign to her upbringing, it represents a departure from her personal identity. She becomes defined by her new affiliation and sheds the independence that Western culture traditionally values. The transformation can be subtle but profound.

For my ex-girlfriend, naming her son with an Islamic name signifies this cultural shift. Children often bear the markers of their parents' beliefs, and in this case, her son will grow up identified with a faith and culture that may feel foreign to his American upbringing. This is not just a name; it is an identity marker with implications for his future, binding him to the cultural norms and expectations of Islam.

What This Trend Means for Western Culture

Western women converting to Islam and adopting restrictive lifestyles can ultimately undermine the cultural values of individual freedom and equality. Islam’s traditional stance on women’s roles is in direct contrast to the West’s hard-fought gender equality. This trend of conversion risks eroding the cultural fabric that celebrates choice, independence, and personal agency.

As a Christian conservative, I am alarmed by how Islam’s cultural encroachment has gone largely unexamined. Western societies are often hesitant to criticize these cultural shifts, wary of accusations of “Islamophobia.” But by failing to ask questions about the impact of such conversions, we risk passively allowing values incompatible with Western freedoms to take root.

In my own journey, I have seen the value of the freedom that Christianity and Western ideals provide. Christianity respects both men and women as individuals with unique roles but does not seek to control or limit through rigid rules or strict dress codes. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we emphasize family values without compromising personal freedom. That balance is something Islam’s structure lacks.

Closing Thoughts

My ex-girlfriend’s experience is one of many stories that reflect a growing trend in the West. Islam has succeeded in appealing to some Western women, offering them an illusion of stability and identity. But this comes with a cost: a surrender of personal freedom and identity, often in exchange for cultural practices that are restrictive. As an Iranian-American ex-Muslim, I’ve come to appreciate the freedoms offered by Western ideals and Christianity. We should be vigilant about understanding the impact of these conversions, for they may shape not just the lives of individuals but the society they live in.

Works Cited

• Alghafli, Zainab, et al. “Religiosity and Marital Satisfaction among Muslim and Christian Couples in the U.S.” Family Relations, vol. 63, no. 5, 2014, pp. 565–578. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12089

• Van Nieuwkerk, Karin. Women Embracing Islam: Gender and Conversion in the West. University of Texas Press, 2006.

• Roald, Anne Sofie. Women in Islam: The Western Experience. Routledge, 2001.